SPACE: Parenting Anxious Children

Supporting Your Child with Anxiety or OCD

Does any of this sound familiar?

• Your child worries about school, friends, or activities and is constantly asking you questions to feel better.
• Your child has big reactions to separating from you, making it feel impossible to enjoy time alone, with your partner, or with friends.
• Your child becomes irritable or angry when you do not provide comfort.
• Your child relies on you to speak for them in social situations.
• Your own anxiety levels often feel high, as if your child’s anxiety is contagious.
• You feel like you are walking on eggshells around your child’s emotions.
• You’ve had to rearrange your work schedule to be available to your child when they are anxious.
• You’re caught up in lengthy, complicated daily routines during which your child needs you to do things “just right.”

If one or more of these situations sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

For many parents of anxious kids and teens, life can start to revolve around anxiety. But what if you could address your child’s anxiety without unintentionally feeding it, finding yourself in endless battles, or feeling like you have to fix everything yourself without a clear road map?

At CNC, clinicians are passionate about helping families regain harmony in their homes and have seen great progress with SPACE.

What is SPACE?

SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) was developed by Dr. Eli Lebowitz at the Yale Child Study Center. It is an evidence-based program that helps children and teens with anxiety or OCD by working directly with their parents.

While traditional anxiety treatment often involves the child directly, SPACE empowers you—the parent—to make changes that help your child learn to cope more effectively. This can be especially valuable when your child resists therapy or when individual therapy alone hasn’t been enough.

At its core, SPACE is about supportive, confident parenting. It teaches you to communicate two key messages:

• “I understand how hard this feels.”
• “I know you can handle it.”

Through this balance—validation and confidence—you can reduce the behaviors that accidentally strengthen anxiety’s grip on your child and therefore your family. 

How does SPACE work?

Through 50-60 minute sessions with a clinician, parents will:

• Learn the ins and outs of child anxiety or OCD
• Identify the ways in which they accommodate their child’s anxiety 
• Become experts in blending validation and confidence to be a clear source of support to their struggling child
• Thoughtfully and purposefully reduce their accommodation behaviors
• Feel relief that they are not going through this alone.

Treatment typically lasts 10-15 sessions but is individualized to the family’s needs. 

How do I know if SPACE is right for my family?

SPACE is likely a great fit for your family if:

• You have avoided doing things, going places, or being with people because of your child’s anxiety.
• You are heavily involved in your child’s OCD rituals.
• You have modified your work schedule or leisure activities because of your child’s anxiety.
• Your child has refused to participate in therapy despite it being recommended by their pediatrician or school.
• You have connected your child with a therapist but your child struggles to participate or use their skills at home.

SPACE For Failure to Launch

“Should I take steps to move forward, or stick with what I know?” This is the hidden choice that young adults with failure to launch (FTL) face every day. Adults with FTL are stuck – they may want independence, but have difficulty transitioning to the responsibilities of adulthood and are heavily dependent on their parents for support. Many are experiencing anxiety, OCD, depression, ADHD, or other mental health concerns. Even though the choice to stick with what is known may be damaging and causing unhappiness, there is comfort in doing what you know.   

While the young adult is certainly struggling, their parents may be struggling just as much. Having an adult child experiencing FTL is emotionally and financially taxing, and many parents find themselves in need of their own support and a plan for how to best help their child function successfully in the world.  

How Do I Know If This is For My Family? 

SPACE-FTL could benefit your family if:

• You have an adult child who is 18 years or older
• Your adult child is not actively involved in employment, an educational program, or vocational training
• Your adult child is living with you or living at your expense
• You find yourself doing things for your adult child that they should otherwise be managing themselves (e.g., making appointments, driving, laundry)
• Your adult child is unwilling or unable to engage in individual therapy, or individual therapy alone has not been sufficient 
• You have tried other methods of motivating your adult child to increase their independence, with no luck in promoting change

What Does Treatment Look Like?

SPACE-FTL is a structured treatment that helps parents/caregivers to:

• Change patterns of communication around the young adult’s difficulties
• Build their own support network when addressing their child’s challenges
• Reduce the accommodations they may be engaging in for their child (e.g., providing reassurance, planning around the adult child’s comfort zone) 
• Support their child in taking active steps towards greater independence
• Develop plans for managing barriers, such as the adult child’s protests or aggressive behaviors

By engaging with the steps of SPACE-FTL, parents learn how to shift the dynamics at home and present their adult child with that choice – to keep things the same or change – in a way that supports steps towards growth.

How do I get started?

You can schedule an initial phone call with a CNC clinician by emailing our therapists via the contact page or calling the office at (847) 272-2484. You can also email Dr. Kerry Pecho [email protected] or Dr. Ashley Leja [email protected] directly.